I feel another makeout session with the porcelain god coming soon so I will be brief:
I fucking hate food right now, and I want to die. That is all.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Resolutions and Renewals continued...
I started yesterday about my New Year's Resolutions. Personally, i think that they are some pretty decent resolutions for the next year. I will keep them. I promised my loyal readers some more about my decisions as of late, and they will follow below. My first big revelation is on my love life and how relationships are going to occur for me.
I love Kerry. There are no ways around it. I am still very much in love with my ex-girlfriend. Why? I don't find it that hard to explain, simply because when we broke up, it wasn't under the "normal" break up standards. The fact is, we still loved each other when we drifted apart and broke up, it was an outside force, her scaly bitch of a mother, the tore our relationship to ribbons. I guess that is why I'm not surprised that she told me she loves me back. So easy fix, right?
Wrong. We love each other, but she isn't ready for any relationship at this point, even with me. Which, frankly, kinda sucks. But, it isn't like I expected her to be like "I love you, now let's forget that the last 2 years happened and everything is hunky dory." I just wish that sometimes life was more simple...and love could be the thing that dictated who you were with, not other people in their life. But anyway, there is some good news to come out of this.
After two years of moping, crying, and generally losing my mind because my life was...at the time...falling apart, I have begun the serious healing process. I found out how Kerry felt. I think I just needed to know she felt something. It let me move on. But, I'm not going to go looking for love. I want it to find me. The main problem is that I would turn every smile, every kind gesture, every hug in to something more serious than it actually was...and that would always lead to heartbreak, loneliness, and a new bought with depression.
But that is behind me. I am ready to take the bull by the horns and do what has to be done in order to get my goals accomplished. Which brings me to my next topic: my life goals.
When I was a Freshman, I wanted to be the second, white Henry Lee. That goal had lived with me for most of my college career, until i began looking in to more hard science ventures in to the world of Chemistry: getting a graduate degree/ Ph. D, etc. Funny thing is, I don't want to do any of that. I want to go back to my deepest love, in terms of professions: medicine.
Being an EMT-B in CT was the most rewarding experience of my life. Knowing that as a human being, I held people's lives, limbs (literally and figuratively), and futures in my hands, bringing them back from the brink of chaos and death. I did that! Plus, lights and sirens driving is pretty amazing.
I decided that, ironically like my 6th grade career day, I want to be a pharmacist. Study to gain my Pharm. D, to become a Doctor of Pharmacy. It is the perfect meld of my passions: medicine and chemistry! I have always been fascinated by pharmaceuticals and how they are used to treat patients effectively.
I am looking in to transferring to the UCONN School of Pharmacy at some point to obtain this degree, but I need to look in to my current academic options. As of right now, I only carry over certain prerequsites for the 2 "pre-professional" years before the 4 years of "professional" training. I would have to go to UCONN as an Undergrad for a semester at least, a year at most before starting the additional 4 years.
My plan is to talk to my parents, talk to Professor Palmbach, and figure out my options. Possibly drop my Bachelor Degrees and replace them with Associate's Degrees, and take classes that would count towards the pre-professional years at UCONN. I hope everything works out, I need it to prevent myself from getting our of "college" at the age of 27. Granted, some Ph. D students finish around that time, and that would keep me on track, but by other standards...if I had just known what I wanted to do in the first place and went to UCONN, I would be done after next year. Working as a 23 year old pharmacist.
I have a great journey, an adventure, ahead of me. The objectives will be painful and tasking on my body, my emotions, and my intelligence. I WILL suceed. Failure isn't an option, and I have amazing people who won't allow me to fail.
"United we stand; Divided we fall."
I love Kerry. There are no ways around it. I am still very much in love with my ex-girlfriend. Why? I don't find it that hard to explain, simply because when we broke up, it wasn't under the "normal" break up standards. The fact is, we still loved each other when we drifted apart and broke up, it was an outside force, her scaly bitch of a mother, the tore our relationship to ribbons. I guess that is why I'm not surprised that she told me she loves me back. So easy fix, right?
Wrong. We love each other, but she isn't ready for any relationship at this point, even with me. Which, frankly, kinda sucks. But, it isn't like I expected her to be like "I love you, now let's forget that the last 2 years happened and everything is hunky dory." I just wish that sometimes life was more simple...and love could be the thing that dictated who you were with, not other people in their life. But anyway, there is some good news to come out of this.
After two years of moping, crying, and generally losing my mind because my life was...at the time...falling apart, I have begun the serious healing process. I found out how Kerry felt. I think I just needed to know she felt something. It let me move on. But, I'm not going to go looking for love. I want it to find me. The main problem is that I would turn every smile, every kind gesture, every hug in to something more serious than it actually was...and that would always lead to heartbreak, loneliness, and a new bought with depression.
But that is behind me. I am ready to take the bull by the horns and do what has to be done in order to get my goals accomplished. Which brings me to my next topic: my life goals.
When I was a Freshman, I wanted to be the second, white Henry Lee. That goal had lived with me for most of my college career, until i began looking in to more hard science ventures in to the world of Chemistry: getting a graduate degree/ Ph. D, etc. Funny thing is, I don't want to do any of that. I want to go back to my deepest love, in terms of professions: medicine.
Being an EMT-B in CT was the most rewarding experience of my life. Knowing that as a human being, I held people's lives, limbs (literally and figuratively), and futures in my hands, bringing them back from the brink of chaos and death. I did that! Plus, lights and sirens driving is pretty amazing.
I decided that, ironically like my 6th grade career day, I want to be a pharmacist. Study to gain my Pharm. D, to become a Doctor of Pharmacy. It is the perfect meld of my passions: medicine and chemistry! I have always been fascinated by pharmaceuticals and how they are used to treat patients effectively.
I am looking in to transferring to the UCONN School of Pharmacy at some point to obtain this degree, but I need to look in to my current academic options. As of right now, I only carry over certain prerequsites for the 2 "pre-professional" years before the 4 years of "professional" training. I would have to go to UCONN as an Undergrad for a semester at least, a year at most before starting the additional 4 years.
My plan is to talk to my parents, talk to Professor Palmbach, and figure out my options. Possibly drop my Bachelor Degrees and replace them with Associate's Degrees, and take classes that would count towards the pre-professional years at UCONN. I hope everything works out, I need it to prevent myself from getting our of "college" at the age of 27. Granted, some Ph. D students finish around that time, and that would keep me on track, but by other standards...if I had just known what I wanted to do in the first place and went to UCONN, I would be done after next year. Working as a 23 year old pharmacist.
I have a great journey, an adventure, ahead of me. The objectives will be painful and tasking on my body, my emotions, and my intelligence. I WILL suceed. Failure isn't an option, and I have amazing people who won't allow me to fail.
"United we stand; Divided we fall."
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Dawn Breaks on a New Year, and New Opportunities.
The year 2009 has descended upon us, and it is time for me to grow up.
I have been in a bad place for over a year and a half...and now things have changed. I have purpose in life again, I have goals and dreams. The path before me will be arduous and challenging, but I am ready. I have my friends behind me, and I know they will support me whatever I do.
I have made a list of New Year's Resolutions, and I plan on keeping every single one of them. I hope that as my friends and faithful readers, you help me hold them true, and if I break one...get me on the right track.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:
1. Be open and honest. (I have been too secretive about things in my life up until now.) I will now allow my friends in to my life, even if it is too painful or I feel like a burden.
2. I want to lose weight. I used to think that I wouldn't find someone who truly loves for who you are unless I was still big. But, I figure that now...it doesn't hurt to be more fit. *This is something I need help in doing...especially exercise and diet stuff.*
3. I am going to stop actively looking for love. I have realized that in being intent on finding love, I see it in every kind gesture and minor flirt. This is especially bad, as I am a big flirty person. I am going to let things happen as they are supposed to...no forcing it anymore.
4. I'm going to spend more time with my friends. Whether that means being on campus more, working harder to get them to my place, or just simply keeping in touch...I want to do it and do it better. *This is something I want my friends to keep me good with...*
That is all I really have time for right now. I have more stuff about relationship thoughts and my future career goals...but they will have to come later. I have much to prepare for in my 13 hour day tomorrow. I will leave, however, with a quote that I think is appropriate for my state of mind on some things right now.
"Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there"
- Gotta Be Somebody, Nickelback
I have been in a bad place for over a year and a half...and now things have changed. I have purpose in life again, I have goals and dreams. The path before me will be arduous and challenging, but I am ready. I have my friends behind me, and I know they will support me whatever I do.
I have made a list of New Year's Resolutions, and I plan on keeping every single one of them. I hope that as my friends and faithful readers, you help me hold them true, and if I break one...get me on the right track.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:
1. Be open and honest. (I have been too secretive about things in my life up until now.) I will now allow my friends in to my life, even if it is too painful or I feel like a burden.
2. I want to lose weight. I used to think that I wouldn't find someone who truly loves for who you are unless I was still big. But, I figure that now...it doesn't hurt to be more fit. *This is something I need help in doing...especially exercise and diet stuff.*
3. I am going to stop actively looking for love. I have realized that in being intent on finding love, I see it in every kind gesture and minor flirt. This is especially bad, as I am a big flirty person. I am going to let things happen as they are supposed to...no forcing it anymore.
4. I'm going to spend more time with my friends. Whether that means being on campus more, working harder to get them to my place, or just simply keeping in touch...I want to do it and do it better. *This is something I want my friends to keep me good with...*
That is all I really have time for right now. I have more stuff about relationship thoughts and my future career goals...but they will have to come later. I have much to prepare for in my 13 hour day tomorrow. I will leave, however, with a quote that I think is appropriate for my state of mind on some things right now.
"Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know the night alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there"
- Gotta Be Somebody, Nickelback
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