Not Really Sure....

As the title suggests, I am in one of those times in my life where I have begun to doubt myself...on multiple fronts. It sucks, but it was bound to happen, and for it, I'm glad only a few people really read this...and they are all my closest friends and advisors in my life.

Alright crack team, here goes...

1.) Romance

So I have been having doubts about Megan and I being a match for like a week and a half now. I can't explain why now all of a sudden, or the exact reason. However, it seems like the spark is gone...almost like we both rushed in to this relationship a little too quickly. I feel crappy about it because she was really trying to avoid that, and I was to, yet we still rushed in to the relationship pretty quick.

Its weird because when we are more...intimate than other occasions, things seem fine, but other times things that go on just irk me to no end. Like how she incessantly has to poke, and how she can't give me a straight answer. "Maybe" as an answer was really cute for a little while, but its starting to drive me up a wall. I mean, even her laugh bothers me a little. I also don't think I like the fact that she isn't very girly...and is really stubborn about it. I don't know.

I feel so shallow and like an asshole for this stuff. Its like I betrayed Megan and led her on? Am I doing it? I feel awful and am completely clueless about what to do about it.

2.) Finances

Holy balls am I in debt. My loan payments on the 10 year plan are going to average about $964 a month.

Just a quick note, thats only the Sallie Mae Loans without compounded interest, or the other loans that are taken out. (That payments more like 1300 a month.)

I SO cannot afford either of those...FML.

3.) Homesickness

It is July 9th...and I just realized that I am not going back to school in August. That thought that I am forever stuck in my home scares the shit out of me. Mainly because as much as I like Wal-Mart...it doesn't cut it with my needs, and its like I'm in a dead end job. (Which I know is stupid because I just started there...whatever.)

I want my own place, I want privacy and independence again. I want to have my stuf...be MY stuff again. Not something people can and will just take for their own use or entertainment. I dunno. I feel so cramped in my house.



That's enough ranting for now...much to do.

WTF is with people?!?!?!

Seriously...

I just got back from my job at Wal-Mart. What the living hell is with people!?! I don't get it, why are people so rude and expectant of service. Today, I was yelled at, criticized, and lectured...not by my bosses, but by customers for various reasons.

My favorite was the lecture about working at such a globally recognizable store...and not being able to speak fluent Spanish. (Note: You're in AMERICA, learn fucking English lady if you want to go out in public!)

I'm not trying to be racist, but it always seems to be the black, Hispanic, and Indian people who are butting in, interrupting, and generally rude to the other customers when I am interacting with them. I don't know.

I'm going to bust some caps in virtual heads for a little bit before bed to let some steam loose.

Ugh, 9 hours tomorrow.