Weird Realizations of a "Free" Man

I have to admit, I really enjoy long drives by myself. Especially at night on the highway. I had the opportunity to be with my own thoughts with soft music playing in the background of the white noise of wind at 65 miles per hour. I got a chance to visit two of my best friends, Zack and Erin, as they began gearing up for the new school year, which gave me the ability to drive home at night, and these were some of the thoughts that I ran through:

First things first, it was great to see the two of them. I will admit that I am horrible at keeping in touch with people, and to actually be able to be in their presence and company was wonderful. I loved seeing them, chatting with them, and sharing a meal with them at Captain's Catch. However, I also felt this great divide between me and them, like the simple fact that I was "done" with college...at least, for the time being, changed things. That sucks. It wasn't something awful, but it seemed like I was in a totally different world then they were. I don't know how I feel about that.

On the subject of college: I realize now that Kerry, the break up, and the disastrous aftermath were not the only factors that led to my eventual drop-out. I...didn't want to be there. The University of New Haven was, in the end, a place I hated. Not because of the people (my friends are the best), but because it allowed me to get as bad as I was, and no one intervened. Yeah, it wasn't their job. But it made me think that someone would've noticed a student, one who is very active, etc. Falls off the face of the Earth, Withdraws from every single class for two semesters straight...you'd think someone would've found me and asked if things were alright. I think that is part of the reason I am so displeased with the school, and why I could never finish, even in the wake of better days. (This is beyond the point of the fact I didn't see a point, or care in the slightest. But I still believe this to be contributing factor.)

I also once again found myself thinking on the subject of relationships, and women. I find it strange that I have begun to think about Kerry again. I hope she is ok, because the fact of the matter is that I know the girl came out about as well as I did, and had a lot less support in terms of friends and such.

I found it ironic as I drove, listening to the radio, that our relationship is very similar to two songs by an artist that seemed to evolve as our relationship did: Kelly Clarkson. She sang "our song" at the time, which completely described us. Now, her newest single, "Already Gone," seems to describe our relationship even more as the end came drawing near. I just simply find it ironic, especially if you see Ms. Clarkson in the videos. In "A moment like this," she is juvenile, a teen, much like we were. She was optimistic, with big dreams in her eyes. In "Already Gone," she is older, seems wiser, and she looks learned, as if shes been through pain and disappointment.

These are just observations in the latest time frame, I don't want people to see these as cryptic messages for help. Iam most likely looking too far in to things, and work from there.

Until next time....Excelsior!